The Confusion of Kazuko Sakamoto
by Canis Lupus 54
Summary: The slider appears at the beginning of the series. Self-insert.
1. Confusion

Darkness, pain, a cold metal table. Voices.

"Why are we using a kid for this again?"

And then, I woke up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room.

I brushed a strand of long black hair out of my face, wait, that's the wrong color and length, right? I saw a mirror and moved to it. I saw my long hime-cut black hair. I looked down at my breasts and felt for my crotch. This doesn't feel right, but I couldn't remember anything else.

Suddenly words appeared in midair.

 _You're probably confused,_ they said, _we can see and hear what you do, but we can't read your thoughts. Write in the diary on the desk to communicate with us._

I looked around and spotted the diary in question, a small pink book sitting on a desk next to the bed. I hesitantly walked over to the desk and sat down. I picked up a black pen sitting next to it and prepared to write. I hesitated. I didn't even know where to start with my questions.

 _You are a slider,_ the words said, _this is one who can manipulate space. Slider specifically refers to the ability to "slide" between universes. We are an organization dedicated to the research of sliders and the multiverse. We have forced you to perform a mental shift into the universe and body in which you currently reside. Your original identity is irrelevant. You are now Sakamoto Kazuko. You are to assume Kazuko's life in order to observe a particular being. Any questions?_

Sakamoto Kazuko? That sounded Japanese. I thought for a minute, then wrote.

 _What's wrong with my memory?_

 _We have sealed most of your personal memories. Kazuko is about to enter her first year of high school. She was born in Japan but spent most of her childhood in the United States due to her father's work. She just recently moved back to Japan. We have provided you with an augmented reality system to aid you in your observation._

 _Why me?_

 _You were the closest slider, among other reasons that will remain hidden for now._

My head span. I'd been kidnapped and forced into another universe? It was so surreal. Was it true? Was I just having a mental breakdown? Impossible to tell. I wrote another question.

 _Why should I obey you?_

 _You are not fluent in Japanese and lack social skills. Should you disobey us, we will deactivate your augmented reality system. The illusion that you are Kazuko will break, and you will have no way to survive on your own in your new life._

 _What's this being I'm supposed to be observing?_

 _A girl by the name of Suzumiya Haruhi. Now get dressed, it's almost time for you to leave._

I then heard a voice from outside the room's closed door.

"Kazuko," said the adult feminine voice, likely Kazuko's mother, "breakfast is ready."

I saw a school uniform in a closet and figured I should put that on. I moved over to the uniform and prepared to put it one when something occurred to me. They could see everything I could see. I blushed and closed my eyes and took off the pajamas I was wearing. They were pink. I then came to another realization. I wasn't wearing a bra, and I had no idea how to put one on. I looked around for one, finding it in a drawer. I struggled with it for a few minutes before spotting a laptop on top of a dresser. I opened it, clicked on Google Chrome, and googled "How to put on a bra," I followed the steps I found and managed to get the bra on.

I then put on the school uniform. Sailor fuku? I didn't think high schools still used that style. Oh well. I left Kazuko's, no, my room and went down a flight of stairs near my room. Arrows floating in midair directed me to the kitchen. I sat down at the kitchen table and prepared to eat.

"Itadakimasu," I said.

I ate a typical Japanese breakfast and prepared to go to school.

Once again, arrows directed me to the school.

After climbing one of the longest, steepest hills imaginable, I was directed to the correct classroom. I looked around and noted that one long haired girl wearing a yellow hair ribbon seemed to be glowing. I guessed that was Suzumiya. She didn't look particularly special, though she was pretty. I noted that the boy sitting in front of her was also glowing, though more faintly, but why was he special. He looked even more average than Suzumiya.

"Hi," said a voice.

I looked. The source of the voice was a blue-haired girl.

"I'm Asakura Ryouko. It's nice to meet you."

"Oh, I-I'm Sakamoto Kazuko. It's nice to meet you. I'm new in town, so I don't really know anybody."

"I'm in the same boat," the girl said with a beautiful smile, "Do you need help finding your seat?"

"It's alphabetical order by surname, right? I think I can figure it out, thank you though."

I found my seat, right in front of the average-looking boy. Soon enough the homeroom teacher came in and we set about introductions. I paid attention to Asakura's, then zoned out until it was my turn.

"I'm Sakamoto Kazuko," I said, "I'm new in town and I like literature and computers. Please treat me kindly."

I zoned out for the average boy's introduction, and was snapped back to attention by Suzumiya's introduction.

"Suzumiya Haruhi," she said authoritatively, "I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time travelers, sliders, or espers here, come join me. That is all."


	2. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 1

I turned around hesitantly to look at the girl. Had I heard that right? That was an… interesting introduction. I loved it! Someone had the courage to say what I was thinking! I was elated. I started to stand up.

"I—," was all I got out when the world turned red, sirens started blaring and the words _Don't tell her,_ appeared.

I sat back down. I noted that the average-looking boy was also staring at Suzumiya.

We then finished introductions. Once again, I tuned out the introductions, my mind still going over Suzumiya's. Was that why I was supposed to observe her? No, there had to be more to it than that. Still, I smiled thinking of the girl's bombastic introduction.

Once we finished introductions, classes started for real. They went by in a blur. I couldn't remember why but I seemed to already know much of the material, especially in math and English. Eventually lunch came.

I took out a bento and began to eat, alone, not knowing anybody and being too shy to ask anybody to eat with them.

"Sakamoto-san!" said Asakura's voice.

I looked up from my meal to see the cheerful girl waving at me. She appeared to have made some friends, who she was eating with.

"You can eat with us."

I smiled, stood up, and walked over to the group of three.

"Hi," I said quietly, "I'm Sakamoto Kazuko."

"Ah, hi," said one girl, "I'm Yamamoto Shinko."

"And I'm Suzuhara Shuuko," said the other girl.

"I hope you don't mind my intrusion," I said.

"Don't be silly," said Yamamoto, giggling, "It's natural to join a group when you don't know anybody."

"Thank you so much," I said, "I'm not really good at making friends, so I appreciate this."

"No problem," said Suzuhara.

Asakura then spoke up again, smiling genuinely.

"Sakamoto-san, Shinko and Shuuko are going to show me around town after school. Would you like to come with us?"

"Of course! Thank you, Asakura-san," I said, "And please, just call me Kazuko."

"Okay, then just call me Ryouko,"

"Okay."

We ate in silence for a few seconds, as I struggled to think of a conversation topic. Eventully, I just decided to go with what I kept coming back to.

"So, Suzumiya-san's introduction was interesting, huh?"

"Yeah," said Shinko, "I went to middle school with her, so I'm used to her antics."

"Antics?"

"She does strange things all the time, painting things all over school grounds, dating anyone who asks for a week, all sorts of weird things."

"Ah, that's interesting," I said, I still wasn't sure why I was supposed to be observing her though, "So, did you go to school with Suzuhara-san too?"

"No, but we've lived in the same neighborhood since we were kids, so we've always been friends."

"Ah, that's interesting."

We talked for the remainder of lunch about various topics. I felt sort of awkward as the quiet, shy one, but the three girls were nothing but friendly. I thoroughly enjoyed our time talking together, but lunch soon ended.

"See you after school," Ryouko said.

"Right," I replied.

The rest of the school day passed without incident. I met Ryouko, Yamamoto, and Suzuhara, outside the front of the school and we descended into town. Going down the hill to the school was far more enjoyable than going up it.

We walked around town for a few hours, seeing sights, where festivals were held, restaurants, and other fun things to do in town. We eventually stopped at a small café, where the other three girls conversed, while I sat and listened.

"So, what clubs are you thinking of joining?" Yamamoto asked the group, "I'm thinking about calligraphy or film."

"I'll probably do whatever you do," said Suzuhara.

"I'm thinking about joining the literature club, though I heard all its members graduated last year. I'm also thinking of trying for class rep," said Ryouko.

"Oh, that's cool, but I don't think I could handle the extra responsibilities," said Yamamoto.

"Me, neither," said Suzuhara.

"It doesn't sound fun," I said inaudibly.

"What about you, Kazuko? What clubs do you want to join?" asked Ryouko.

"Literature or computers," I said succinctly.

We ate a nice snack at the café.

"Can you get home okay from here?" Yamamoto asked.

"Yes, I think I'll be fine," I said.

I followed the floating arrows back to "my" house.

Two days later, the average-looking boy tried to start a conversation with Suzumiya. It didn't go well.

"Hey," he said, "About that introduction earlier, how serious were you?"

"What stuff earlier?" Suzumiya responded.

"About aliens and all that,"

"Are you an alien?"

"No, but…"

"No, but what?"

"No, never mind."

"Don't talk to me then, it's a waste of time."

I turned my head slightly to put the two in my peripheral vision. Surprisingly, the boy seemed to notice, but he didn't say anything.

Later that day, at lunch, I overheard the boy talking with his friends about Suzumiya. One of them had been in the same class as Suzumiya throughout middle school and confirmed what Yamamoto had said.

At gym that day, I noticed them talking about Ryouko. Suzumiya also displayed her ability to run fast. I don't think that's why I was supposed to be observing her.

In any case, for about a month I observed Suzumiya, and some of her harmless eccentricities.

Her hair style changes everyday. The number of tied off points starts at zero on Monday and increases by one each day. Secondly, when it's time for gym, she didn't even wait for the guys to leave before changing!

Surprisingly, considering how antisocial she was, Suzumiya joined a wide range of clubs, but she never committed to any of them, she would join for a day then quit. I joined the Literature Club at my superiors' orders.

Eventually we reached the first day after Golden Week. The average-looking boy, who I'd heard called Kyon, tried to talk to Suzumiya again. At the time, I assumed he was some sort of masochist, but he actually managed to have a conversation with the girl.

"Do you change your hair every day as an alien countermeasure?" asked Kyon.

"When did you notice?" asked Suzumiya.

"Just recently."

"Oh. I think each day gives off a different image. Colorwise, Monday would be yellow, Tuesday would be red, Wednesday would be blue, Thursday would be green, Friday would be gold, Saturday would be brown, and Sunday would be white."

"So with numbers, Monday is zero and Sunday is six."

"That's right."

"Monday feels more like a one to me."

"Nobody asked for your opinion."

This time I visibly turned in my seat to listen to the conversation. The two engaged in a brief staring contest.

"Have I met you before?" asked Suzumiya, "a long time ago."

"No."

The conversation was over.

Kyon turned back toward me.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"Oh, yes I was just surprised to see someone having a conversation with Suzumiya-san," I said quietly.

"I'm perfectly capable of having a conversation," said Suzumiya, "I just normally don't have time for it."

Crap she heard me!

"I guess that's the difference between us," I said.

"What do you mean?" asked Suzumiya.

"I'm also bored with ordinary humans and long for aliens, espers, time travelers, and sliders. I just don't have the courage to be as open about it as you, and I'm not very good at conversations."

"Oh, interesting."

I didn't know what to say to that so we just sat in silence for a while, then I turned back to the front of the room.

After school, I went to the Literature Club room. The only other member of the club, a pale skinned, purple haired, glasses wearing, girl named Nagato Yuki, was there before me, as always, reading a different book from the day before, as always. She was a fast reader.

"What are you reading today, Nagato-san?"

The girl held up her book so I could see the title in response.

"Oh, it looks interesting. I'm still on the one from last week. Sorry I can't keep up with you."

"I don't mind."

"I'm almost at the end though, and I can't believe that twist!"

"Unique."

We talked like that on and off throughout the evening. Being the talkative one in a situation was new to me.

"Did you get around to reading that manga I recommended?"

"I did. Interesting."

Nagato had helped reignite my love of reading, so I was trying to return the favor by introducing her to new mediums.

"Hey, I stop by the Computer Club sometimes," I said, "Why don't you come with me sometime? I have a feeling you'll enjoy it for some reason."

"Maybe sometime."

We read in silence for the rest of the evening. Then, we went home.

"See you tomorrow," I said.

Nagato nodded in response.

The next day Suzumiya showed up to school with her hair cut.

"Isn't cutting it the day after I point it out a bit hasty?" said Kyon, "Hey"

"Not really," said Suzumiya.

After that, Kyon and Suzumiya conversing in the few minutes before homeroom became a regular event. I mostly watched and listened, but occasionally I was drawn into the conversation.

One day they talked about Suzumiya's dating habits.

"I heard this rumor," said Kyon, "is it true that you've dumped every guy you've gone out with?"

"What gives you the right to ask me that?" asked Suzumiya, "I don't know what you've heard, but very well. It's probably all true."

"There wasn't a single guy you seriously wanted to date?"

"All of them were no good. Every single one of them was ridiculously square. None of them were aliens, time travelers, or espers. And what's up with most of them asking me out over the phone? Important things like that should be done in person!"

"Well, you think so? I'd probably call her out somewhere and tell her."

"That's not important!"

Which is it?

"Anyway, the problem is there's nothing but worthless men on this planet. I spent most of middle school being irritated."

"Then what kind of guy did you want? I'm guessing an alien?"

"An alien or something along those lines. As long as it's not an ordinary human it doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl. What about you, Kazuko?"

"You know my name?"

"Of course."

"Well, I mostly agree with what you said, Suzumiya-san."

"You want an alien too?" asked Kyon.

"Well, an extraordinary human would do."

"It's more fun that way, right, Kazuko?"

"Um, yeah, I guess. I've never actually gone out with someone though."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing."

I felt my cheeks heat up.

Later, Suzumiya marched out of the room. Kyon was approached by two of his friends, while Ryouko, Yamamoto, and Suzuhara approached me.

"What kind of magic did you pull?" asked Kyon's taller friend.

"What are you talking about?" asked Kyon.

"I've never seen Suzumiya talk for that long."

"And what about you?" Yamamoto asked me, I've never seen her start talking to someone."

"Well, I told her I was into aliens and stuff too, so I guess she sees me as a kindred spirit," I said.

"Suzumiya has never responded to me no matter what I've tried," said Asakura, "I'm glad you two have gotten her to open up a little. I would've worried if she kept isolating herself from the rest of the class. If I ever have something to tell her I'll go through you."

"Hold on, it's not like I'm her spokesman or anything," said Kyon.

"What about you Kazuko?"

"I don't mind," I said, waving my hand to indicate my consent.

Soon afterwards, our seating arrangements were changed. I sat right next to Kyon, who was still sitting right in front of Suzumiya. Their morning conversations continued.

"Is it true that you've joined every club?" Kyon asked, "Let me know if you find any fun ones."

"There totally aren't any," Suzumiya replied, "Totally none at all."

She liked using that word.

"I was expecting it to be better in high school, but this is just as bad as before."

"I thought you would be interested in the Mystery Research and Supernatural Phenomenon Societies," I said.

"I tried them, but they weren't any good at all. They hadn't seen any real cases. They were just a bunch of mystery bookworms and occult freaks."

"Oh, maybe you should join the Literature Club, we only have two members."

"I don't want to sit around discussing books."

"We mostly just read in silence…"

"That sounds even more boring, Kazuko!"

Since when are we on a first name basis anyway?

"You'd think with so many clubs there'd be at least one weird one."

"You can't do anything about what doesn't exist. Humans have to accept what's in front of them. Those who can't do that often accomplish innovations and move society forward. It was all the work of geniuses. Us common folk have to accept what's in front of us," Kyon said.

"Shut up!" Haruhi and I said.

That was the conversation that started it all.

It happened suddenly. In the middle of class, Suzumiya grabbed Kyon's seat and slammed it into her desk. Kyon coughed.

"I figured it out!" said Haruhi, "if there isn't one, I'll make one!"

"Make what?" Kyon asked.

"A club!"

"Okay just calm down for right now."

"What's with that reaction? You should be excited."

"I know, but we're in class right now."

Suzumiya just then seemed to notice everybody staring. She sat down. Then, at lunch she dragged Kyon off by his tie. I went to eat with Ryouko, Shinko, and Shuuko.

"Suzumiya-san sure seems excited," said Ryouko.

"Yes, I wonder what kind of club she's going to make," said Shinko

"I'm sure it'll be interesting," I said, "If I wasn't already juggling two clubs, I might consider joining."

After school, Suzumiya dragged Kyon off by his tie again. I then went to the Literature Club room, to find Suzumiya and Kyon there. Kyon seemed to be talking to Yuki.

"You might even get chased off," Kyon said.

"Go ahead," said Yuki.

"Well, that settles that, oh, Kazuko!"

"Ah, Sakamoto, you must have a problem with this, Haruhi is trying to take over your clubroom for her club."

"Well, Yuki's the club president, so if she says it's okay, I guess it's fine," I said.

"See, Kyon, everything is fine," said Suzumiya, "Now, be sure to meet here after class from now on. If you don't, heads will roll."

The next day, Kyon and I talked.

"Are you really okay with your club room being taken over?" he asked me.

"Not really," I said, "but I don't know what to do about it."

That evening, Suzumiya went off to do something, while Kyon and I headed to our now shared clubroom.

Kyon tried to have a conversation with Yuki. It didn't go well.

Suzumiya soon arrived with another pretty yet scared-looking girl.

"Hey! Sorry for being late, it took a while to catch her!"

"What is this? Where are we? Why did you bring me here?" the girl asked.

Suzumiya quickly locked the door.

"Why are you locking the door!?" asked the girl

"Be quiet. Allow me to introduce her, this is Asahina Mikuru-chan," Suzumiya said.

Apparently, the girl was a second year abducted by Suzumiya due to her moe qualities to serve as a mascot for the club. The girl protested at first but seemed to come to some sort of realization after spotting Yuki.

"I can be the mascot," I volunteered, Suzumiya either didn't hear me or ignored me, either was plausible.

"By the way, I thought of a name, the SOS Brigade!"

The saving the world by overloading it with fun Suzumiya Haruhi's Brigade. An interesting name. With that, our journey began. I just sighed and sat down to read.

Suddenly floating words appeared.

 _By the way,_ they said, _I feel I should let you know, Nagato Yuki is a nearly omnipotent alien and Asahina Mikuru is a time traveler._

I traced the word, okay, on the book I was reading and continued reading.

AN: Later chapters should be less copied straight from the anime. Anyway I feel I should give some credit here. This fic, specifically the self-insertion as a slider named Kazuko, was inspired by the quiz, Your life in the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya on quotev, which is supposed to only be for girls, but I didn't notice that until after taking it. Please leave a review, thanks for reading.


	3. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 2

The next day I woke up, got dressed, and headed downstairs to eat breakfast. As I got myself a glass of milk, Kazuko's mother looked at me.

"Why don't you ever drink tea anymore, Kazuko?" she asked.

"I guess I just wanted a change of pace," I said nervously.

I didn't like tea. Apparently Kazuko did.

As I walked into class, I noticed Kyon and Haruhi talking about something to do with a transfer student.

It would appear that word had gotten out about Suzumiya's antics.

"What kind of cub is she starting?" asked Shinko, "I heard she took over your club room."

"Nobody knows what kind of club, probably not even her," I said, "She even forced an upperclassman to join."

"Ah, but if she pulls any of her middle school stunts, she's going to get in trouble."

"At least she's opened up some," said Ryouko.

"I guess," I said.

Later that day, Haruhi decided the SOS Brigade needed a computer.

"I have a laptop," I volunteered.

"Oh, but there's probably a newer one much closer," Suzumiya said.

Suzumiya went next door to the Computer Research Society and came back with a brand new computer, after several screams from Asahina.

"How did she get that?" I asked Kyon.

"Blackmail," he said.

"What!?"

I scowled and bared my teeth, preparing for a confrontation with Suzumiya.

"Suzumiya-san," I said.

"What?" Suzumiya said.

"I have a computer, you could have used that, there's no reason to go blackmailing people!"

"Kazuko," said Yuki, "I have a question about the manga you recommended to me."

Taking the hint and trusting Yuki's judgement, I backed down.

"Sorry, Suzumiya, I guess I just lost my cool for a second there."

Then I went over to Yuki and switched to a much quieter volume.

"Do you actually have a question?" I asked Yuki.

"Yes," Yuki said, "What exactly makes him turn into a girl?"

"You know…excitement."

"What kind of excitement?"

"Err, you know, the kind teenagers feel a lot of."

Yuki stared blankly at me. I lowered my voice even more.

"Sexual excitement."

"What is sexual?"

It occurred to me that, as an alien, Yuki was likely ignorant of such things.

"Well, you see, when a man sees a woman in a certain way, or vice versa, certain physiological things happen that can facilitate reproduction."

Yuki blinked.

"What kind of things?"

As I engaged in an increasingly detailed talk with Yuki, Suzumiya discovered that the Literature Club room wasn't set up with an internet connection. She forced the Computer Research Society to set one up for her. She then gave Kyon the duty of setting up a website for the SOS Brigade. He did so during lunch the next day. Yuki then lent him a book.

That day after school, Haruhi appeared at the club room with a shout of "Yahoo!"

She quickly distributed fliers to each of us, labelled "Proclamation of the SOS Brigade Creed." She then pulled an outfit out of the bags she was carrying.

"We're going to distribute fliers wearing these!" Suzumiya said.

"Where?" asked Kyon.

"At the front gate."

"What are we going to be wearing?"

"Not you, Mikuru-chan's the one who's going to be wearing this!"

She pulled a bunny-eared headband out of the bag.

"Bunny girl!"

Kyon stared for a moment, then Suzumiya went back to work. She grabbed Asahina and started undressing the girl.

"Come on, get changed!" said Suzumiya.

"No, I don't want to!" said Asahina.

Kyon seemed to lose his temper and launched to his feet.

"Hey, Suzumiya!" he said.

"No!" said Asahina, "Don't look."

Kyon quickly ran out of the room. I watched Suzumiya undress the poor girl. I considered stopping her, but remembered Yuki stopping me yesterday. I figured there was a good reason  
I shouldn't make Suzumiya angry. Still, I had to do something.

"Um, Suzumiya-san, if Asahina-san doesn't want to, I'll wear the bunny suit," I said.

"No offense Kazuko, but you aren't exactly Mikuru-chan's size," said Suzumiya, then she went back to undressing Asahina.

"Hmph."

When Suzumiya was done dressing hersef and Asahina, she called Kyon back into the room.

"Come on in," she said, "What do you think? These will be perfect for attracting attention, right?"

"More like suck in attention," Kyon said, "What about Nagato and Sakamoto?"

"I could only buy two, I bought the full set so it was expensive,"

"Where do they sell those anyway?"

"I bought them online."

"Oh."

"Well, I'm off! Let's go, Mikuru-chan!"

"No!" said Asahina, as Suzumiya dragged her out of the room.

"Let's go!"

"No!"

Asahina looked to Kyon for help. He made an apologetic gesture, then came back into the clubroom. Yuki then gestured to the clothes on the floor. Kyon started cleaning them up, but he seemed to be enjoying himself a bit too much, so I took over for him.

Shortly afterwards, Suzumiya came storming back into the room complaining about the teachers shutting down her publicity stunt. She then started changing, forcing Kyon to run out to the hallway again.

Asahina left, asking Kyon if he would take her if she was ruined for marriage.

"Kazuko," said Yuki, then she handed me a slip of paper telling me to meet her somewhere.

Suzumiya left too. Then Kyon. Yuki and I left last. That night, I met Yuki at the meeting place the paper indicated.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

"It will be more efficient if we wait for him," she said.

"Him? You mean Kyon?" I said.

"Yes."

"Okay."

We sat in silence for a little while, then I spoke up.

"I don't think he's coming," I said.

"Probably not," said Yuki, "You can go."

"How about we just hang out, like friends do."

"Are we friends?"

"Of course. Come on, we can play some video games, discuss books, see a movie, whatever you want."

"Okay. I want to try some video games."

"Then, let's get started!"

We went back to Yuki's apartment. I had brought two handhelds and we played video games for a while together.

When we were done we talked some.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked Yuki.

"Yes," she said succinctly.

"What was your favorite part?"

"Zelda."

"Yeah, that's a good series."

"Yes."

"Well, see you tomorrow."

I went home after that.

The next day Kyon and Asahina's names had become associated with Suzumiya, who was now known schoolwide. Kyon's friends and Ryouko questioned him about it. I talked to Shinko and Shuuko about it.

"You haven't gotten sucked into this too, have you?" asked Shinko.

"Not so far," I said.

"Good," said Shuuko, "it's still unfortunate that she took over your clubroom though."

"Yeah."

That day, Asahina was absent from school. Suzumiya was frustrated at the lack of interest in the SOS Brigade despite its publicity. She eventually noticed Asahina's absence.

"Huh, is Mikuru-chan absent today?" she asked.

"She may never come back again," said Kyon, "I just hope she doesn't become traumatized by the ordeal."

"Geez, and I even brought a new outfit for her to wear."

"Wear it yourself."

"Of course I'm going to wear it too, but it's no fun if Mikuru-chan isn't here."

Kyon then seemed to eye Yuki and me for some reason.

"The SOS Brigade was just formed and we're already sitting around doing nothing," complained Suzumiya, "I wonder if they're all holding back. They want to keep all the mysteries to themselves?"

Later on, Suzumiya left with a brisk "I'm going home."

"Well, I'm going home too," said Kyon, standing up.

"Did you read it?" asked Yuki.

"What?"

"The book."

"Oh, no, not yet. Should I return it?"

"Not necessary. Read it tonight, as soon as you get home."

"I understand."

Kyon must have read the book, because he showed up to the meeting place that night. We all went to Yuki's apartment together. There, Yuki began the explanation that had brought us all to the apartment, after explaining that she lived alone and giving Kyon three cups of tea.

"About Suzumiya Haruhi, about myself, and about Kazuko, that is what I want to talke about tonight," she began.

"What about you three?" asked Kyon.

"It is difficult to convey in words. Discrepancies may arise during the transmission of data, but nevertheless, listen. Suzumiya Haruhi, Kazuko, and I are not ordinary humans."

"I kind of knew that already."

"That's not what I meant. I was not referring to the lack of universally accepted personality traits. I meant what I said. We are different from the vast majority of humans like yourself. An organic life contact humanoid interface, created by the Integrated Data Sentience Entity, which monitors this galaxy, that would be me."

"What?"

"In more common terminology, I would be classified as an alien."

"An alien?"

"And I'm a slider," I said.

"Slider?"


	4. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 3

"Yeah, I'm from another universe," I said. "Well, supposedly, I don't actually remember. I guess I could just be crazy, but I don't feel crazy."

"I see…" said Kyon.

"Anyway, Yuki had this long speech planned out, but I think I can just give you the gist. If that's okay with you two, of course."

"It's fine," said Yuki.

"Are you sure? I know you were looking forward to this."

"It's better if he understands."

"Okay, so basically, three years ago a flare of data occurred on this planet which drew the attention of the Integrated Data Sentience Entity. At its center, was Suzumiya Haruhi. The Integrated Data Sentience Entity believes Suzumiya-san is the key to our, and its, further evolution. However, the Integrated Data Sentience Entity lacks language, and we lack the means to communicate effectively without language. As such, humanoid interfaces like Yuki were created.

"They observed Suzumiya for three years with no significant events occurring. However, recently, fluctuations have appeared thanks to a new variable near Suzumiya. That would be you."

Kyon gave me a quizzical look as if asking "I was supposed to understand that?"

"Look, I don't really understand what you just said," he said, "But if you go tell it to Haruhi, she'll be ecstatic."

"All involved factions believe there is a significant risk to telling Suzumiya, though no one's sure exactly what that risk is."

"All involved factions?"

"Oops, spoilers!" I said, making the "silly me" gesture.

"However," said Yuki, "certain sections of the Integrated Data Sentience Entity intend to take proactive action and observe the resulting data fluctuations. Suzumiya Haruhi has chosen you. You will be the first."

"We believe Haruhi possesses the ability to manipulate data to her will."

"What's all this 'data' stuff about?"

"Well, that's a good question actually. I _think_ it's essentially everything. Matter, energy, the universe itself, it's all data."

"You and Suzumiya Haruhi hold all potential in your grasp," said Yuki.

"You can't be serious," said Kyon.

"We're dead serious," I said.

Kyon looked extremely uncomfortable. It was probably a lot to take in. Or maybe he was just uncomfortable. We were kneeling on the floor after all.

"Isn't it possible that I'll go tell Haruhi everything I heard here?" he asked.

"She won't take the data you feed her seriously," said Yuki.

"…You have a point."

Kyon's face said that he had had enough of this.

"Well," I said, "that was fun. Care to join us for Mario Kart?"

"I should probably get home."

"Okay, see you at school tomorrow."

"Yeah."

He got up and went to leave, but the moment he was out the door, he reappeared at the table.

"What…?" he asked.

"I have the power to manipulate space within a universe, as well as move between them," I explained. "I just connected the door back to here."

"You mean, everything you said was true?"

"Exactly. Want to see Yuki's powers?"

"No, I'm good."

"Sure you don't want to join us for Mario Kart?"

"Which one?"

"DS."

"…Okay, but just one race."

The next day, Suzumiya was all excited because there was a transfer student, which was apparently inherently mysterious. She ran off to find said student.

Asahina returned to the clubroom and played a board game with Kyon. Othello, I think it was called? Yuki seemed to get into it and wanted to play. Go, Yuki! Amusingly, Asahina seemed to be afraid of Yuki. Haruhi showed up last, dragging a boy behind her.

"Hey, sorry for the wait!" she said, bursting through the door. "The immediately useful transfer student who joined class 1-9 today! His name is…"

"Koizumi Itsuki," said the boy. "It's a pleasure to meet you all."

I instantly disliked him for some reason.

"This is the SOS Brigade!" said Suzumiya. "I'm the brigade chief and these are members one, two, three, and four."

Which one am I? I hope I'm not four, I don't like unlucky numbers.

"Incidentally, you're the fifth one."

He should be number four.

"Everybody, get along now!"

I refuse.

"I have no problem joining," said Koizumi, "but what exactly does this club do?"

"I'll tell you what activities the SOS Brigade engages in," said Suzumiya, "and that is find aliens, time travelers, espers, and sliders, and have fun with them!"

Oh, I get it, it's like her proclamation at the beginning of the year. Props for consistency, Suzumiya.

"I see," said Koizumi.

He must be the esper then, right?

 _He's the esper,_ said the floating words.

I nodded subtly in acknowledgement.

"Just as one would expect from Suzumiya-san," said Koizumi. "Very well. I'll join. I hope to have a pleasant experience with everybody."

The next day, Suzumiya once again stripped Asahina, this time to force her to dress up as a maid. Aside from the whole "force" part, I could actually totally get behind this activity. Kyon walked in in the middle of this stripping, eliciting a loud scream from Asahina. Once they were done, Suzumiya talked about maids and moe.

She then held an impromptu photo shoot of Asahina in various positions and states of dress. Kyon seemed to get pretty into it.

"Mikuru-chan wear these clothes when in the clubroom from now on," Suzumiya ordered.

"You can't be serious…" protested Asahina

Then, Koizumi walked in.

"Oh, what's going on?" he said.

"Koizumi-kun, you're just in time, let's all have fun with Mikuru-chan!"

Kyon finally seemed to have enough and tried to drag Suzumiya off of Asahina.

"I think I'll pass," said Koizumi, "I'm afraid of what'll happen afterwards. Don't mind me. Please continue."

A real standup guy, that Koizumi.

"Um, Suzumiya," I said hesitantly, "Maybe that's enough. We have all those pictures to remember it by."

"Hmm, good point, Kazuko."

Suzumiya then stood up on her brigade chief chair and gave a speech accompanied by many dramatic hand gestures..

"Let's commence the first SOS Brigade meeting!" she exclaimed.

What exactly have we been doing up to this point.

"We've done a lot to make it this far. We passed out flyers, and we even made a homepage! The celebrity of the SOS Brigade has skyrocketed in this school. The first stage can be called a huge success! However, not a single tale of mysterious happenings has reached our brigade's email mailbox and not a single student has come in for consultation regarding bizarre troubles.

Someone once said good things come to those who wait, but we live in the modern world now! You have to go and find the good for yourself. Even if you have to dig through the ground. That is why we're going to search."

"For what?" asked Kyon.

"The mysteries of this world!" Suzumiya said.

And so, that Saturday, we gathered to search for paranormal activity. Kyon was late and got penalized. After eating, we split up into two groups of three. Kyon, Asahina, and I ended up together, searching the west side of the station.

Asahina seemed really nervous about the whole situation.

"Hehe, lucky Kyon gets to go on a date with two girls at the same time," I said, trying to break the ice, but it only seemed to make Asahina more on edge.

I watched as Asahina clearly tried to work up the courage to say something.

"Asahina-san," I said, "Kyon knows the truth about Yuki and I, so if you have something to say, just go ahead."

"O-okay!" Asashina said.

She went on to explain how she was a time traveler, going into some unnecessary details on the mechanics of time travel in the process. Her explanation of Suzumiya's significance was interesting in its difference from Yuki's, though.

Apparently Suzumiya was, for unknown reasons, the source of a timequake. She had sealed off the past beyond three years ago. Also, Asahina kept saying "classified information" for some reason.

Kyon seemed a little incredulous, but after my proof, he was more receptive to this kind of thing. He did have one question though.

"Asahina-san, please tell me your real age," he said.

Asahina winked and put a finger to her lips

"That's classified information," she said.

After that, a call came from Suzumiya and we regrouped. We split up again, this time north-south. I was grouped with Kyon and Yuki this time. Instead of investigating, we went to the library. Knowing Yuki wouldn't want to leave halfway through a book, I got us both library cards, so we wouldn't have to go through the process later.

Soon enough, Suzumiya called for us to regroup again.

"Kazuko, where's Kyon?" she asked over the phone.

"He's asleep," I said.

"What?" Suzumiya exclaimed so loudly I had to remove the phone from my ear to avoid going deaf. "Get him and get back here right now!"

"Okay, Suzumiya-san, just be a little patient please."

"You have thirty seconds!"

I sighed, woke up Kyon, and had Yuki borrow the book she was reading. After that, we regrouped. Asahina whispered something into Kyon's ear. I pretended to leave and listened to Kyon and Suzumiya have a conversation. Suzumiya seemed a little upset at the end of it.

When the school week began again, Suzumiya seemed somewhat depressed. Kyon sought out Koizumi and they talked outside. I eavesdropped on their conversation out of curiosity.

Koizumi described Haruhi as a god-like being who was merely dreaming the world. He said that Suzumiya could create and alter the world at will. Not so different from the Integrated Data Sentience Entity's hypothesis so far.

"Humans have identified such a being," Koizumi said, "as-"

"JRPG antagonists!" I interjected.

"What?" asked Koizumi.

"So what you're saying is, we have to kill Suzumiya and seize control of our own futures. The future doesn't belong to you, Suzumiya!"

Koizumi actually seemed thrown off by my outburst, but collected himself quickly.

"This is merely a theory of the higher ups," he said, "and I wouldn't suggest murder, this isn't an RPG after all."

"Anyway," said Kyon, "you're saying that Haruhi remade the world three years ago?"

"Rather than remade, it would be accurate to say that the world started three years ago."

Kyon looked incredulous.

"Look at it this way," said Koizumi, "could espers such as myself, and such characters as Asahina Mikuru, Nagato Yuki, and Sakamoto-san here come together simply by coincidence? This happened because Suzumiya-san wished it."

"I think you're misunderstanding the situation," I said, "No one's saying it was a coincidence, of course it had something to do with Suzumiya-san's actions, but that doesn't mean she's a god who created everybody in order to gather them."

"You may be right."

"What do you people intend to do with Haruhi?" asked Kyon.

"If this world loses the favor of God, it could be destroyed and recreated on a whim. I happen to feel some attachment to this world."

"Why don't you just ask Haruhi?"

"There is a faction within the Agency which proposes to do just that, as well as die-hards who seek to further stimulate her. However, the majority opinion is that we should not interfere. She has yet to realize her full potential. If that's the case, then she would be better off not knowing and living her life in peace."

"Where's a Monado when you need one?" I asked.

Koizumi ignore me. I really didn't like him.

"You seem to be taking this rather well," he said to Kyon.

"I've already seen proof of Sakamoto's power. It makes believing this sort of stuff pretty easy."

"Well, I'm afraid that a number of conditions have to be met for me to use my power, so I won't be showing you any proof today. I'm sure an opportunity will come up in the future. Sorry to drag on so long. I'll excuse myself now. Oh, that's right. The biggest mystery would be you. Although it's bad form, I looked into your background, and I can assure you, you are an ordinary human."

That day Asahina dressed up in the maid uniform and served tea.

"None for me, thanks," I said.

"Oh, but I feel like I should get you something," she said, "Coffee?

"I hate coffee."

"Soda?"

"Hmm, yes, and while you're at it call me Ojou-sama."

Asahina and Kyon stared at me for a second.

"That was a joke," I said.

"You sounded pretty serious," said Kyon.

"I feel like I've been told that before, but I don't really remember."

That day, Suzumiya never showed up at the clubroom.


	5. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 4

The next day, Suzumiya seemed very depressed and Kyon seemed distracted by something. Then, after school, I received a message via floating words.

 _Go to classroom 1-5 and defeat Asakura Ryouko,_ they said.

Defeat Ryouko? My first friend in this universe? It sounded ridiculous. Were they messing with me? Did they just want to torture me by forcing me to fight my friend?

 _Asakura is a humanoid interface intent on killing Kyon._

That only made things more ridiculous. Fight a humanoid interface? Aren't they supposed to be insanely powerful? What was I supposed to do against one? Still, I had to do something. I relayed the information I had been given to Yuki, who confirmed that Asakura was a humanoid interface.

"I was unaware of the plot to kill him, though," she said. "There are portions of the Integrated Data Sentience Entity that advocate such action. You stay here, Asakura Ryouko will have secured control of the space of the classroom, you will be at a disadvantage."

"Won't you also be at a disadvantage then?" I asked. "I think it's best that we work together. Here's my plan…"

I went to classroom 1-5 and nervously opened the door. Inside, I saw Ryouko standing inside by the teachers' desk.

"Oh, Kazuko, what a surprise!" she said cheerfully.

"Someone told me you're up to no good, Ryouko," I said.

"Oh, what do you mean?"

"You're going to kill Kyon."

"And that's bad?"

"Yes! You can't just murder somebody!"

"But it's the only way to get Suzumiya-san to move. It's the only way new data can be collected."

"To hell with your data! A single life is worth more than the key to auto-evolution, or whatever it is you want from Suzumiya."

"I see. I don't really understand life and death for organic beings."

"Well, death is bad!"

"I see."

"You don't sound like you're going to change your mind. I thought we were friends."

"I don't really understand feelings like friendship either. But, if you intend to get in my way, I'll just kill you too."

My augmented reality display lit up spectacularly with warnings of the oncoming attack, but even so it was lightning fast. I didn't even have time to register the "suggested actions" before I had to dodge. It looked like I was going to have to wing it.

Ryouko struck again. I bent space in front of me, moving Asakura's knife wielding hand from stabbing me in the stomach, to harmlessly passing by me.

Then, I drew back a fist and launched a punch, expanding space behind my fist and contracting space in front for a literal warp speed punch in the face. Asakura went sliding backwards across the floor. She said something and spikes emerged from the wall behind me. I managed to deflect all of them.

I bent space to be in front of Ryouko without a single move and kneed her in the stomach. Then, I was behind her and kicking her in the back. I punched her in the head, then swept her legs out from under her. I teleported above her and dropped down on Ryouko, driving her into the floor. Then, she grabbed my leg and threw me across the room. I hit the wall hard and fell painfully to the ground.

"This space is under my control, you can't defeat me here," said Ryouko, "For what it's worth, I would rather you didn't interfere."

Ryouko once more said something and all the desks turned into spears which launched towards me. I expanded space in front of them, slowing them to a halt.

"All space is mine to control!" I declared.

Then I bent space around the center of the room, causing the spears, and Ryouko, to fly toward the area. Several of the spears impaled her.

"I've increased the effective gravity of the floor," I said, "Keep trying to move and I'll turn it into a black hole."

Then, all of a sudden, I couldn't move and my space manipulations were dissolved. My body refused to obey my commands. Cheater. Ryouko closed in on me and went to stab me, only for the knife to disintegrate in her hands.

"Complete," Yuki said from the door.

Ryouko looked over to the door.

"What is?" she asked.

"Data link nullification," said Yuki.

Then, Ryouko herself started to disintegrate.

"I lost," she said, smiling at me, "Lucky you. Kyon gets to live a little bit longer. But, I would watch my back. Another agent of a radical faction may appear, or Nagato's faction may change its mind."

I merely scowled at the girl as she finished dissolving.

"Kazuko, are you okay?" asked Yuki.

"Yeah," I said, "doesn't feel like anything's broken. I think I'll be fine."

Yuki nodded slightly in response.

"Hmm," I said, then I removed Yuki's glasses.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"For some reason, I felt like you'd look better without them," I said, "I was right."

"Did I look bad with them?"

"Of course not! You're just a tiny bit cuter this way. By the way, can you change the chairs back? It's going to be awkward if someone finds us in here with a bunch of bloody spears."

"Right."

Shortly afterwards, all the desks had been returned to normal and replaced in their normal places.

"We should probably stay here and tell Kyon what happened," I said.

"Yes," said Yuki, "I didn't bring a book."

"I left my bag in the clubroom. Let's just go back there and tell him."

We returned to the clubroom and informed Kyon of what had happened.

"I see," he said, slightly incredulously.

"It happened, you've seen my powers! Yuki, do something cool!" I said.

Yuki walked over to a cup of tea and spoke to it. She then lifted the cup and showed us that the tea was frozen solid.

"Good?" she asked.

I nodded.

"I believe you," said Kyon. "It's just a lot to take in."

Then, we all went home for the night.

The next day a girl who looked a lot like an older Asahina showed up.

"Hi," she said, "I'm Mikuru from farther in the future. I need to talk to Kyon, so could you leave us alone in the clubroom?"

"Sure," I said.

Meanwhile, Suzumiya had bounced back and was intent on investigating Ryouko's mysterious transfer to Canada. She dragged Kyon into it too, declaring it the SOS Brigade's next big activity. I followed secretly.


	6. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 5

I followed Suzumiya and Kyon to Yuki's apartment building. As they were trying to figure out how to get in, Suzumiya spotted me.

"Ah, Kazuko, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I'm, um, here to visit Yuki!" I said.

"Oh, Yuki lives here too?"

I nodded.

"If you visit her here, do you know the code to the door?"

"I've seen Yuki punch it in. I might be able to remember it."

As it turned out, I did remember the code, and punched it in.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"We're investigating Asakura's sudden transfer, it's suspicious isn't it?" Suzumiya replied.

"I guess…"

I made a show of going up to Yuki's apartment, then, discovering she wasn't home, rejoining Kyon and Suzumiya. Suzumiya questioned the building manager, but that didn't reveal anything useful, naturally. And so we left, just as Yuki was getting home.

"Oh, Yuki, do you know anything about Asakura's sudden transfer?" asked Suzumiya.

Yuki shook her head.

"Okay, well, let me know if you hear anything about it, understood?"

Yuki nodded.

"What happened to your glasses?"

Yuki looked to me.

Suzumiya then walked off.

As Kyon passed Yuki, she whispered "Be careful," to him.

"I'm interested in seeing what happens next," I whispered to Yuki, "We'll have to hang out some other time."

Yuki nodded.

Kyon and I followed Suzumiya past some train tracks.

"Can I go home now?" asked Kyon.

"Have you ever thought of just how insignificant your life here is?" Suzumiya asked back. "I have. It's something I'll never forget. It was when I was in elementary school, as a sixth grader. The whole family went to watch a baseball game at the stadium. I wasn't particularly interested in baseball, but I was shocked when we got there. There were people everywhere I looked. The ones on the opposite side of the stadium looked like squirming grains of rice standing together. I wondered if every last person in Japan had gathered in the stadium. And so, I asked my father how many people there were in the stadium. He answered that a sold out game meant fifty thousand people.

"After the game, the path to the station was flooded with people. The sight stunned me. So many people around me, yet they only made up a tiny fraction of the population of Japan. When I got home, I did the math. We learned in social studies class that the population of Japan was 100 million plus some. Divide fifty thousand by that and you only get one two-thousandth.

"I was stunned again. Not only was I just one little person in that sea of people at the stadium, but that sea of people, was only a drop in the ocean. I had thought myself to be a special person up until that point. I enjoyed being with my family and most of all I thought the people in my class were the most interesting people in the world. But, that was the moment I realized it wasn't like that. The things that happened in what I considered to be the most enjoyable class in the world, could be found happening in any classroom throughout Japan. Every person in Japan would consider them to be ordinary occurrences. Once I realized that, I suddenly found that, all of my surroundings began to lose their color.

"Brush my teeth and go to sleep at night, wake up and eat breakfast. These were things everybody did. When I realized that everybody did those things on a daily basis, everything started to seem to boring. And if there were so many people in the world, there had to be one of them that was living an out-of-the-ordinary life. I was sure of it. So why wasn't that person me?

"That's all I could think about all through elementary school. And in that process, I realized something. Nothing fun will happen if you sit around waiting. So I figured I would change myself in middle school. Let the world know that I wasn't a girl content with sitting around and waiting. And I conducted myself accordingly, but nothing changed. Before I knew it, I was in high school. I thought something would have changed."

A train rushed by.

"I see," said Kyon.

"Suzumiya-san," I said, "I'm a-"

I was cut off by blaring sirens and floating signs reading "DON'T TELL HER!" I clutched my head in pain.

"Kazuko, are you okay?" asked Suzumiya.

"Y-yeah," I said, "just a headache. Anyway what I wanted to say was, I understand your situation. I wish there was an easy answer for you, but all I can say is, don't give up. I know there are extraordinary things just waiting to be discovered."

Suzumiya just nodded.

"Well, I had better get home," I said.

"Are you sure you're okay to get home on your own?" Suzumiya asked.

"Yeah, don't worry about me."

I started going home when more floating words appeared.

 _Investigate the nearby spatial disturbance,_ they said.

I could feel some sort of disturbance. It was like another universe was trying to form on top of this one.

I "slid" into the other universe to see a dark reflection of the city. Colors were muted. It was almost monochrome.

After a while, a blue giant appeared and started destroying the city, until it was destroyed by red lights flitting about it.

 _This is closed space, another world created by Suzumiya Haruhi,_ said the words.

I could feel the space destabilize after the giant's defeat. Then the sky cracked and suddenly I was standing in the middle of an intersection with Kyon and Koizumi in the normal world. Koizumi gave me a ride home. He and Kyon talked about the nature of closed space, the giants, called Celestials, and the espers.

The next day, Haruhi seemed to be in a rather foul mood. But other than that, it was what one might call an ordinary day. Well, as ordinary as it gets with aliens, time travelers, espers, and sliders.

Kyon and Koizumi played Othello. Suzumiya braided Asahina's hair. Yuki and I quietly read some books. It was a perfectly normal day by and account. I felt satisfied with the way things were. Somehow, I felt like I had something I had been longing for. And yet, one person was unsatisfied with the situation. That person, was Suzumiya Haruhi.


	7. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 6

That night, I felt an extremely large special disturbance. I called all the other members of the SOS Brigade, sensing danger somehow. Kyon didn't answer, neither did Suzumiya. Yuki, Mikuru, and I gathered at the school grounds.

We came to the conclusion that Suzumiya had created a closed space and moved herself and Kyon into it. For some reason, Koizumi could only partly enter this space, only enough to give Kyon a brief message. Yuki was also able to send Kyon some messages.

 _That universe is destabilizing. Leaving current action to your discretion._

That was the message I got. It was finally happening. Suzumiya had decided to destroy and remake the world. I wondered what would happen. Would Kyon be able to convince the stubborn Suzumiya to hang on to this "boring world?" I honestly wasn't sure. And I wasn't about to sit around and find out. As Suzumiya herself said, nothing will happen if you sit around and wait.

"I'm going to the new world," I told the others. "Anyone want to come with me, just in case?"

"I think I'll stay here," said Koizumi.

"I'll stay too," said Asahina.

Yuki nodded in agreement.

I concentrated, sensing the distortions of space in the new world. I found two small, almost imperceptible distortions after some searching.

"Found you!" I exclaimed.

Then, I stepped forward and into the new world. I saw Kyon and Suzumiya together. There were Celestials everywhere. My face contorted into a scowl as I bared my teeth. I ran up to the two of them.

"Suzumiya Haruhi!" I yelled.

Suzumiya jumped and whirled around to face me.

"Kazuko, what are you doing here?"

I could feel myself being pushed out of the new world, but I managed to stay in it.

I took a deep breath.

"Suzumiya, I'm a slider," I said, "This is a new universe created by you due to your dissatisfaction with the old one. However, because of your selfishness, the old world will be destroyed when this one is completed."

"W-what?" Suzumiya asked.

"I can understand if you don't believe me, you probably think this is a dream. But it's the truth. Only you can stop it, so wake up, Suzumiya Haruhi!"

"This doesn't feel like a dream. But even if what you say is true, it just feels like everything will be okay if I stay here."

"Well, it won't! You'll kill billions of people, not even counting all the aliens in the world. And you don't need a new world, I'm a slider, and all the others have secrets too. The excitement you're looking for has been under your nose this whole time."

"But…"

"Who gave you the right to recreate the world?"

Suzumiya scowled.

"Whoever gave me this power gave me the right!"

My hand stung. Suzumiya looked off to the side with a look of shock and with a noticeable red spot on her face. I breathed deeply.

"Suzumiya," I said, "We are not toys for you to throw away when you're bored! Come on, you were going to save the world by overloading it with fun, right? You're not going to give up are you?"

Suzumiya scowled.

"I know that!" she said. "I don't want everybody to die…"

"Then destroy this world," I said, "or I'll do it. I'll make a gravity well so strong it rips this whole place apart, us included."

"I-I don't know how!"

"Sakamoto, look!" said Kyon, pointing at the Celestials.

There were glowing balls flitting around the Celestials and cutting them apart.

"The espers. Suzumiya, this world should destroy itself once all those giants are gone," I said. "I can give you a lift back to the old world, or you can just wait."

Suzumiya smiled.

"As if I'd pass up the chance to see your slider powers in action!" she said. "Let's go!"

"Okay," I said, "take my hands."

Suzumiya and Kyon grabbed my hands.

"Okay, one, two, three!" I announced.

We jumped forward in unison and landed in the old world, in an unfamiliar bedroom.

"Suzumiya, is this your bedroom?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, "Oh crap, how am I going to explain you guys to my parents?"

"Like this."

I pushed Kyon and he fell through the bent space I had created. I followed and we were out front of Suzumiya's house.

Kyon and I breathed sighs of relief.

"That was a close one," I said.

"Yeah," said Kyon, "I was about to try the Snow White method when you showed up."

"Y-you mean…"

"Yup, a kiss."

"Of course, telling Suzumiya the truth comes with its own set of problems."

"Yeah, could you drop me off at my house?"

He gave me his address.

I put my hands on my hips.

"I'm not a GPS," I said. "I don't know where that is. I'll walk with you there though. I can help you come up with an excuse for being late."

"Sounds good."

We walked to his house together, during which time we came up with a story about emergency club business. After we arrived there, I teleported home. I tried to catch some extra sleep, but I was too nervous. Before I knew it, it was time for school.

I received a text from Suzumiya. "Emergency club meeting during lunch," it said.

The first part of the day passed normally. Suzumiya acted as if nothing had changed. Then came lunch, and it became apparent that Suzumiya was going just a little bit power mad.


	8. The Power of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 1

"This is amazing!" exclaimed Suzumiya. "I can do so many things! Watch!"

Haruhi raised her hands and all our lunches rose into the air. She lowered her hands and our lunches returned to their original positions.

"Oh and by the way," she kissed Kyon, "I believe you owe me that from earlier."

Kyon and I gaped in silence. Asahina gasped. Yuki blinked. She was clearly upset. Even Koizumi looked shocked.

"And for my next trick, Kazuko, stand up please."

I stood up. Suzumiya spun me around and when I hit 360 degrees, I was suddenly in a blue bunny girl outfit.

"As penalty for slapping me, you have to wear that for the whole day, I'll make sure you don't get in trouble."

I was about to protest, but then I felt oddly compelled to agree with Suzumiya. Until Yuki bit me, that is, at which point anger flared up within me once more.

"Suzumiya," I snarled, "you can make me wear this ridiculous outfit, but free will is off limits."

"I didn't mean to do that!" Suzumiya protested.

I sighed.

"We're going to need some sort of system to keep you from accidentally doing things," I said. "Any ideas, Yuki?"

"It should be possible to set up a password system, in which another user's consent is required to permit the alteration and creation of data," said Yuki.

"Okay, who wants to be the other user?"

Nobody volunteered.

"Okay, I'll do it."

"I can set it up for you," said Yuki.

She spoke a little.

"Done," she announced. "This should also prevent the phenomenon known as closed space from occurring."

"Great!" I said.

"Now, onto more important matters," said Suzumiya. "I know Kazuko is a slider, and the rest of you all have secrets too, so you might as well spill it."

"I'm an esper," announced Koizumi, "though with the elimination of closed space, I'm afraid I won't be able to demonstrate my powers."

"And the rest of you?"

Yuki and Asahina were silent.

"We're all low ranking members of our organizations," I explained. "We can't just tell you everything, I was only allowed to because of the dire situation."

"Hmph!" said Suzumiya.

Shortly after that, lunch ended. Suzumiya told us to be sure to attend the club meeting after school.

I nervously returned to the classroom. As I passed people in the hallway, my outfit seemed to draw a lot of attention, but nobody really called me out on it.

I reached the classroom and sat down as the next teacher walked into the room.

"Sakamoto-san, what happened to your uniform?" he asked.

"Oh, I uh, spilled some lunch on it," I said.

What did happen to my uniform? It just sort of disappeared when Suzumiya changed my outfit. I hope I can get it back…

I looked to Suzumiya, who merely gave me a wide smile, then to the rest of the class who were staring at me, especially the boys. I smiled nervously.

"Okay, then," said the teacher, "just make sure to clean it before tomorrow."

"I will."

I spent the rest of the school day in that bunny girl outfit.

After school, we all assembled in the clubroom.

"I want to experiment with my power some more," announced Suzumiya.

"I'm fine with you experimenting on me, as long as you don't violate my free will," I said, "And even then, I kind of have a fetish for that."

"What's a fetish?" asked Yuki.

"Oops, I'll, um, explain when you're older."

Yuki nodded in response to this.

"Okay!" exclaimed Suzumiya. "Anyone else want to join the party?"

No one else volunteered.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Kazuko!"

She concentrated on me for a second.

"Oh, right, I forgot I need your permission for stuff now. I was going to make your breasts bigger."

"As long as you make the outfit bigger to match, go ahead."

"You're no fun…"

By the end of the evening, I had adult Asahina sized breasts, was a catgirl in a fur bikini, and started acting like a cat anytime somebody sneezed.

"Okay, Suzumiya," I said as night drew near, "Change me back."

"Aw, are you sure? I don't need your permission to leave you like this," she said with a knowing smile.

It was a joke, but I didn't find it funny. I planted my fists on my hips.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay…, permission to return your uniform and shrink your breasts?"

"Granted."

There was no flash or puff of smoke. I was just suddenly in my school uniform, with my breasts back to normal. It was kind of fun actually. I was looking forward to the inevitable further experimentation.

I was about to leave for the day, when Kyon sneezed. I immediately fell to all fours. I turned to glare at Suzumiya.

"Meow," I said.

"Okay, sorry, I honestly forgot about that part. Permission to remove that suggestion?" said Suzumiya.

"Meow."

And with that, I was able to talk and stand again. I stood up, grabbed my bag and prepared to leave.

I then went home, did my homework, and went to sleep.


	9. The Power of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 2

The next day, I woke up and stretched. I ate breakfast and went to school. Suzumiya was in a good mood, but otherwise acted totally normal. Well, normal for her, anyway. One never would have guessed that she had found out she was omnipotent the other day.

At the club meeting, Suzumiya made an announcement.

"We're going to go searching for the mysteries of this world!" she announced.

"Why don't you just make some mysteries?" asked Kyon.

"It's no fun if I just make it! We have to find the mysteries that already exist! We'll search this city high and low again!"

I raised my hand.

"Yes, Kazuko?"

"Why don't we try investigating paranormal sightings instead of randomly searching the city?" I suggested.

"That's a great idea! Kyon, I expect to hear about some by tomorrow!"

Kyon sighed.

"Okay," he said.

"Also, Kazuko, I need permission to do one small thing. It's a surprise though."

"Okay, go ahead," I said.

I spent the rest of the club time reading. I then left. As I walked through the halls towards the exit, Yuki suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Please text him for me," she said.

"We need to get you a phone," I said, "but okay, what do you want to say."

"Meet me at my apartment."

"Okay, text sent, want me to come to?"

She nodded.

We went back to Yuki's apartment together and passed the time playing Mario Kart. Eventually, Kyon buzzed in.

"Nagato, it's me, I got Sakamoto's text," he said.

Yuki opened the entrance for him and he came up to Yuki's apartment.

"So, what did you need?" he asked.

Yuki sat perfectly still in silence for a second, then started to speak.

"Through observation of you and Suzumiya Haruhi, it has come to my attention that you two share positive feelings toward each other, resulting in interesting data patterns. I hold similar positive feelings and would like to produce my own data with you."

Kyon looked to me.

I clarified.

"She likes you," I said, "and she would like to… do what Suzumiya did with you."

"You mean…"

"Kiss," said Yuki.

"Why is Sakamoto here?"

"Oh, I'm just here to translate," I said unconvincingly.

Unsurprisingly, Kyon didn't look convinced. I didn't feel like explaining that the one thing I could remember about my life before coming to this universe was being a heterosexual male and that I had assumed Kazuko's heterosexual female orientation upon entering her body, so I refused to elaborate that I liked him too.

"Kazuko," said Yuki, giving me a serious look.

"Okay, I like you too," I said, "but I'm not ready for a relationship for personal reasons. Also, I'm pretty sure Asahina likes you too, so congratulations on living the dream."

Kyon gave me a flat look.

"I think Koizumi might like you too."

Kyon's flat look continued. I couldn't help but feel that he was making some sort of snarky remark in his head.

An awkward silence ensued, which was broken, surprisingly, by Yuki.

"Kiss," she said.

"Okay, I guess it can't hurt," said Kyon.

He and Yuki kissed.

Then, I went home and went to sleep. I awoke standing in blank white. The other five members of the SOS Brigade were standing around me. The blank white space was completely featureless.

"Suzumiya," I said, "Did you destroy the world?"

"Nope," she said, "but I made this dream world where we can all experiment freely with our powers. In this world, we all have powers like mine, and there's no password system."

I had to admit, that was actually a pretty good idea.

"Good idea."

"Thanks," said Suzumiya.


End file.
